31 December, 2003
i've decided that we should cellebrate the end of the year/beginning of a new one on December 30th. Least that's what I think I did last night. Went down to the beach- yeah in daylight- and swam- yeah infront of people in daylight. There were waves in the bay- nothing you could surf- but maybe bodyboarding if you'd had one- which I didn't. But I've hurt my neck from doing too many backflips (if there is such a thing) and I can't really use my left hand because it either drops things randomly or spasms into a lovely little impersonation of Hook's hook. I'm reading Peter Pan- actually I tried to read it last night and made it as far as sleepily drunkenly fondling the cover before I passed through to my own version of Neverland.
Which was populated by not so many bad dreams as thoughts about bad dreams. Yes, I was dreaming about having nightmares.
So at some point yesterday I was the girl in a skirt and a bikini top which was making nice wet patches on my top. I was THAT girl. Which I found endlessly amusing I must admit. I've been having recurring fantasies about living by the beach with a husband and kids and they all surf and I make sandwhiches and run a sucessful life and business and ... we have four showers- this seems important. One outside, one for the grownups, one downstairs under the house in the guest's area and one for the kids. Shit we're going to need five- what about when we have dinners and people need to use the bathroom- the ensuite wouldn't do- the kids' one will be all sandy and messy and there'll be dangerous tubes of zinc waiting to be squished underfoot- okay so five it is then.
Anyway, these keep popping up at the strangest times. I see a little kid in boardshorts and I'm not clucky at all- but it's more like seeing the furture and thinking- well if its going to contain that then that's the version I want.
I have some stern talking to do if that's where I'm headed though I know that.
Don't know who I have to talk to- but I have a feeling I'm going to have to give orders and take no for an answer less- and all that if I'm to be driven and successful. This is sounding dangerously like New Year's Eve talk don't you think? Wouldn't you say? Yeah me too. Okay instead let's talk about me....
I now own the Outcast cd and the Guided By Voices box set.
And yesterday Liam sent me a link about a guy who takes aerial photos whilst flying his kite thingy. Most of them were of S.F and the Bay Area. Then at Clare's, sanding outside calling cos the intercom wasn't working, I hear GBV playing... and then later that chick Nelly Fritata (heh) comes on- the song that was playing that year. And the whole thing was enough to illicit more drinking and more drowning of thoughts. Nothing like the drunk you achieve when trying to get rid of guilt and keeping lovely memories where they should be.
So where should I go now?
Its two and I'm not working like I thought I was. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing today or tonight.
Where's a personal assistant when you need one?