07 November, 2003
People are setting fire crackers off outside in the street. Its late out and I should be in bed.
I have a sore throat. I have a very disobiedient stomach.
I have a Saturday looming ahead of me filled with uncertainty that will, in the end, just fly by. Its the uncertainty. I hate that uncertainty. Please all write me little notes about where I stand with you. Maybe if I can get declarations of love and friendship from everyone else... with clauses and points and numbers and .. "I feel affection to you in reference to point 12a of the Platonic Love Section....
We can all get nice and clear on where we stand.
None of these little messages that can mean a million things,
WHAT TIME DO YOU FINISH WORK?
WHY?
But I never ask why. I always just answer like the dutiful girl- I have a duty to whom? I am a girl? I thought I was a woman with responsiblities.
I need to curtail my schoolyard enthusiam for life at times.
I want to jump off the deepend. I like the deepend. There's so much more you can do in the deepend. The bottom is further away and you're not going to break your spine (less likely) if you jump in.
Enough of that.
I basically didn't even LICK the fucker and I think I got my brains scrambled!!!
Drugs are funny. They are not good for the brain though. Not in the day to day long run.
Remind me tomorrow to not be so afraid. Remind me to write a note if I can't say the words outload.
I need to slap some sense into me yet again.
Blessed art tho who has a diary cos she can give herself a good hard slappin' every now and again.