shakystale
02 February, 2005
I received a phone call today for the police. Well that's something that's never happened before!
I let it go to message bank and when I listened to it I thought- he sounds nice- his surname is Benjamin- he said that there were things that he could to help.
He now works for a goverment/police/community group helping women who've been victims of violence. Its strange. There's something in the brain that keeps telling me that it was nothing- and then I have teary episodes like the other night where I admit that I have horrible dreams and daydreams- where I can not destinguish what is real. Could he, could someone, come through my window?
The terrible rain and wind makes me feel safe- who'd be out climbing over wet fences, through wet gardens to climb in my window to attack me? Not likely- so I feel safe tonight.
But like I said last night- if it wasn't for this endless fear I may not have had the courage to apply for architecture and get in- I may not have had the courage to stand up for myself in this relationship. I've had to find so much courage and deal with so many fears- and I keep thinking, "Screw it I'm going to use this anger to fuel me for as long as I can."
Its better than what happened before- the old reactions to anger.
I've been reading about people coming to Australia- I've been reading books about people overcoming odds.
This seems to be the best thing these days.
Any recommendations for these kinda books are welcome.
I feel shaky but stale too. Oh well. Its all good.