01 May, 2004
I have a lovely list and remembered at the last minute that I also have tripple booked in my head for tuesday.
Two hour long massage.
Someone going to the airport.
Screen Printing Class.
The list tells me that I'll need to get things for the class.
I just realised that I'm going to be in a classroom again.
I heard a little kid try to say the word irritate the other day and he could only manage, "I-i-tate." He wasn't i-i-tating his brother you see. His brother was upset on his own without any help from him.
Its true I was watching them.
Unless it was some psychic twin harrasment.
My ex- bless him- boyfriend just farted in the other room to the point that I feel lightheaded and have to go to bed.
What ARE 'good' quality metal drawing pins.
Are the kind that you get at the newsagency going to be good enough? Am I turning into one of those mature age students who has to have EVERYTHING perfect?
I must say the 'rubber gloves and a mask (these are a must)' bit at the end of the list is the most exiciting.
I get to wear a mask in public again...w ooo t.
last night I was standing in the cafe- around midnight and I looked across the road to the toy shop and there were three giraffe toy waving their heads at me in unison.
I giggled till I cried.
Then I went to a cocktail bar and ordered a 'scotch and dry' to the howls of disapproval of the barstaff and my friends and I cracked it and told them to fucking make me whatever they wanted then and leave me alone.
Then I went upstairs and tried not to cry.
Then later on I had a conversation with someone asking them what Mother's Day was all about- having never celebrated it with my mother as I don't think I remember living with her when one has come around.
He thought I was having a go at the whole idea of mother's day in some bitter and twisted "I never had a mother" way and said, "Well you know the whole showing appreciation because she gave birth to you etc..." To which I got very mad and got close to yelling- except I just glared and tried not to cry and said something harsh that made him feel bad. Heh.
So yeah, crying hey?
Its got a life of its own.
Then I lay in bed and thought of the last time I really did cry and I felt crap. I felt so bad and terrible and stupid and misguided and foolish and did I mention really stupid?
And then I crossed my fingers and thought of giraffes and wondered when the magic house is going to tell me I'm allowed to move in.
Please tell me I can move in. I don't even know what number George Street it is.. but its on a street named George so what else do you want?
Oh balcony?
Oh stars?
Oh lamps and lanterns and candles and sex in that bathroom?
That's one sexy bathroom.
And I saw one of the people who lives there naked albeit only a silloette... so that has to count for something right?
Blessed by petite naked german girlness surely?
Its the kind of house that I could have factory shelving in and no one would bat an eyelid.
No more.