01 November, 2003
So yes well look at that its All Saints Day. And not the bad bad bad television show that I've never seen which is probably on channel seven who knows. I don't. They do. Those people who watch it- who does though? The ads are enough to make me want to rip out hair and eat it.
So birthday fun was had by ME and then some more by ME and me me me. A whole day of gratuitousness in relation to me. I did what I want. I didn't even ask to do what I want. I decided to expect it and I got it.
Well not ALL that I wanted. That would have consisted of a nice place by the beach with beverages a plenty and food and nakedness... alas.... I got the next best thing.
I remembered my sixth birthday this morning and text Polly. I said something about being at Kalorama Oval and chasing Simon Whittaker around trying to kiss him. Polly said to that, "God I hope you didn't catch him he was retarded." (We're very politically correct as you can see)
"Polly since when have you known me to ever kiss a guy who didn't have a high level of retardation to begin with?" (A thought being that maybe they don't until after I have kissed them?)
I didn't catch him.
That's about as 'other birthday backward looking' as I got. Which was an achievment in itself really. Today, however, is the first day of 28 really and so I'll spare a little thought for birthdays gone by......
I actually draw a blank on most of them. I could go back and see what I was saying here a year ago though- except that will cause trauma so lets not- but yeah- it all pales in comparison to the BIRTHDAY NO ONE REMEMBERED UNTIL I WAS SERIOUSLY SAD AND GLOOMY- being 2001. Well some people did remember but I was stupid enough to be on the other side of the great continent of America from them. Silly me.
I thought a lot about america today- because birthdays mark time and mine marks the time away from there- just as it marks the time away from Amsterdam and ten years ago.
I know who I was with ten years ago- I was with Mark and Tim and Elly and I was having The Best Night Of My Life.
(Hmmm apart from the night that I lost my virginity -and the night that I rolled a 44 gallon drum into the middle of the long jump pit at school with V.P and A.S and filled it with dry grass and set it alight whilst wearing goth makeup and my pajamas and no shoes.. I'm sure there are other nights but those come to mind for some reason.)
Is it odd to say that I know that I saw Bevis and Butthead exactly ten years ago for the first time?
Time flies when you're having fun, relationships, breaking hearts, having your's broken, moving house, getting fatter and thinner and taller, losing jobs, starting new ones, making friends, losing friends, getting into debt, changing sleeping patterns (how many fucking times will we do that in a life time hey?) ....
Ten years ago I had 18 years but the curve just skyward and now I can see way way way down there the little me of 18 and I wonder quite a bit about her- funny little critter- and then I have the greatest thoughts- about how that's like looking at my feet and realising they are still attached and they haven't grown off me- just a little further way.. but how so much is still here. And I lost so much in ten years and yet it really doesn't matter- cos if the equation holds true I'll lose more in the next ten years than my whole life thus far-
and that people is a really fucking amazing thing!