15 March, 2006
Last night an old friend and I were talking. He said, "You know its probably good that we didn't start fucking when we were teenagers because we probably would still be together now- we'd be one of those disqusting couples that met in highschool and are still together."
My heart almost splintered and broke and tinkled all over the floor (except it was carpet so it wouldn't have made a sound)...
I saw a life that could have been and a huge part of me wanted that life so badly.
I said to him- you know that that is what I wanted back then- I would have happily had that life- even know I can say that I would have happily had that life.
We talked about times that we were in love- times that he'd climbed in my window- times we'd been busted by my brother or when my dad was trying to encourage us to date (because I think he too suspected that we'd stay together forever.)
I told him that all my life men have had to measure up to him.
But in saying that- there have HAVE been times when I've looked at him and been glad that we didn't get together properly- or times when I've wondered what I've seen in him LIKE THAT. These generally have co-incided with either of us being in love- or me feeling stupidly insecure about my looks.
We laughed a little about all this.
But somewhere I think maybe he was sad too.
He brought it up I guess.
Heh.