23 October, 2003
I no longer have- what a lovely friend of mine calls my- cocopop.
I am cocopopless... or atleast on my face I am. Well not that even exactly. But 'it' is gone and I bled and bled and bled. Could feel it dripping down my face actually. Can't feel much right now as my face is still numb. Charming I know.
Makes you teeth hurt.. cos reminds me of getting fillings done. That strange sensation of numbness and pain where numbness and pain shouldn't be. The doctor kept making me laugh- not a good idea when he has a scalpel pointed at your face. My 'stars' told me to stay away from boiling water and knives today. Can you believe that? I read it and went straight into the kitchen to tell Dave- his told him to be careful because he'd be accident prone. I walked in and he pointed a knife at me and then at the boiling water.
I don't know the revelance of all this either. Did I mention that I get a little fuzzy headed when I get local anaesthetics?
I have to mention two things...
firstly when Dave came out after work and sat down for a moment and then got right up again to go and do something leaving his sunglasses on the table I picked them up and immediately began to clean them on my teeshirt.
It was nothing to do with them being dirty and everything to do with some other urge.
I'm still trying to pinpoint the urge.
The other thing- guys I feel sorry for you. Shit seriously I do. I have a friend- whom I adore- and she has a boyfriend- whom she adores- but the guy has a dreadful dress sense. I'm not just talking a bad dress sense... I'm talking a really horrific one. But who cares yeah? I mean really give a fuck- buy the guy some new threads and don't worry about it? But it bothers her so much she's almost distraught- you see she's the fashionable type- to say the least. Anyway she made a comment about a guy today that I think is rather goodlooking and I was so shocked.... he's a MAN he's not suppposed to be PRETTY and have perfect everythings...
some guys have great teeth.. or pretty eyes....of sexy knees or shoulders you want to crawl up on top of and stretch across and fall asleep on.... some guys have noses that make you believe that noses are the hottest thing on earth... some guys... well they all have their own thing... and if they don't have the entire package then WHO CARES?!!
Obviously some do.. and I'm beginnning to see how damn fussy most girls I know are and it upsets me. (I've spent most of my life not being good enough physically for most guys I've known and rarely paid attention to what women were saying about men. The whole thing with Joe.K helped too- falling in love with a guy and then having all my friends at the time literally laugh at me for liking him- and taking that to heart and losing him- what a jerk was I! Though that wasn't about looks.. but its not even about looks either its other things as well.... rambling rambling.... )
Guys you're all stunning in your own way.
Same goes for girls.
I'm a girl with no cocopop but I've still got grey eyes (which are pretty cool no?) so I shouldn't be concerned right? And a guy who doesn't think that I'm the whole package can just keep searching....
and now lets talk about me...
ha.