03 September, 2005
My head- from headachy slept funny- did I eat a bulb of garlic dry mouth- sore eyes- tired ache
to my neck which feels like the cross point in me- the part where everthing comes together.
Like words stick out behind me all twisted and make ropes and these ropes are getting pulled tight.
Or someone's jamming something in there- like stolen goods- I don't want it.
Cried myself awake during a bad dream and wasn't really sure what was going on. Then I realised I was 29 and in my bed.
Honestly no idea.
I did dream of seeds. Plants- garlic again- with the big purple flowers- except these were not purple and I picked them up and started to scrunch them so the seeds went everywhere- a fine rain of black dots.
Hannah was there. She said, "Look Poppyseeds!"
But they weren't. They were unidentifiable black seeds.
That wasn't what made me cry.
It was something to do with fists clenching and things closing and opening.
The nights must be getting warmer- here come the nightmares.
I'm going camping.
I know I should stop thinking about it so much but- really? That's akin to family Christmas where you GET cool presents- those kids must've thought about it for weeks beforehand.
Sometimes secrets are great and good and make me happy- other times they bother me so much it makes me feel like this.